9/7

I find myself looking to people to “replace” my dad. Like after trivia, when I’d usually call him and ask him the questions we didn’t get right, or the ones I know might stump him, I instead texted my brother.

Or when our football team (and my fantasy team) was doing terribly against a team that’s not supposed to be better than us…I had no one to text, so I texted my brother and our good friend. They texted back, but it’s…just not the same. 

Someone once told me that the hardest part about every day grief is the muscle memory. The impulse to call, the turning your car down someone’s street, the expectations of presents from them. The brain is the most complex muscle in the body, and it takes a long time for it to get rid of those impulses.

I’m getting to the point where I don’t expect calls from him anymore, but I still haven’t been able to erase him from my “favorites” list on my iPhone.